***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
