I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
Randomize
