I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize
