if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
Randomize
