i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
