I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
Randomize
