Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
Does leaving at 3 give Sara enough time to take the bus or are you picking her up?
I cant tell if your joking or not, but I'm picking her up
Do you need some kind of permission slip from her parents or can anyone just go and grab a high schooler these days?
Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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