this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
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