Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
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