Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
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