I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
Randomize
