I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Randomize
