I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
