Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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