there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
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