I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
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