I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
Randomize
