there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
Randomize
