You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
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