we're blogging at a bar
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
If I had your ass I would rule the world
Randomize
