just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
Randomize
