the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
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