if i died would you start the facebook group?
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
Randomize
