Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
Randomize
