Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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