the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
Randomize
