just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
My penis needs a shock collar
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
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