marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
Randomize
