yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
Fuck me I smell like cheese
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