I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize