she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
Randomize
