Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
