i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
Randomize
