I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize
