She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
Randomize
