So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize