Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
Randomize
