ur plase or mine? lol
well if you don't learn how to spell, you may be at your place and I'll be at mine.
Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
Randomize