So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
My balls are so social today.
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Randomize
