My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
Randomize
