Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
Randomize
