worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
Randomize
