she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
Randomize
