What a fucking waste of an outfit
So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
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