if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Randomize
