she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Randomize
