I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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