An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
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