I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
