Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
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