There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
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