I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
Randomize
