Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
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