Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
Randomize
