Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
Randomize
