Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
She even gives head with a lisp.
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
Randomize