I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
