We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
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