I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
Have you finally orgasmed yet?
so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize