I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
Randomize
