i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
Randomize
