I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
You know, be my cock's hype man.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
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