I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
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