if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
Randomize