3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
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