Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
Randomize
