I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize
