oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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