nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
