We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
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