did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
Maybe he injected his testicle?
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
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