At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
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