i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
Randomize
