this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
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