The Redheads category on Pornhub is my number 2 site behind facebook on google chrome. I think I have a problem
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Randomize
