Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
Randomize
