I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
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