last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
i think my mom watched the whole time
yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
Randomize