hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
Randomize
