I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
