"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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