u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
Everyone says I win the strip club
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
Randomize
