On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
