You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
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