I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
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